Never Disappointed?

My mother once shocked me by telling me that she used to come up with new ways every day to disappoint me, with the plan that that way i wouldn't grow up not knowing how to deal with disappointment. Well, for better or worse, I think her plan worked (sometimes I wonder if it worked so well I EXPECT disappointment)!

   

I was thinking the other day, though, that perhaps this is one reason why I was led to LadyBug some two dozen years ago. I wonder if the fact that I have spent the last two decades convincing her that she is not only worthwhile, but strong in her own right, has made it possible for her to continue through this ordeal with cancer in the way she has. She has stayed positive and focused throughout the whole ordeal, and has earned the respect of observers for her courage.

   

I have never really considered myself to be a "strong person" but feel that my mother-developed ability to see adversity as a temporary challenge has enabled me to help LadyBug in this trial. I also believe, as Delirious has stated, that our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ has helped us through this also. With His aid, all things are possible, and I feel that when He is blessing us, we can overcome any obstacle. It has inspired me to seek other stumbling blocks in my life to remove.

   

This has also shown me that there are some things in our lives which we cling to that simply are NOT important. I have found that dropping some of these things was easier than it would have been three months ago. I'm not giving up every indulgence or pastime, but I am recognizing which ones I definitely can do without.

   

So, although she sometimes scares the crap out of us, at this time of year, I am Thankful for a mother who wasn't afraid to disappoint her children. Repeatedly. On purpose....

Confirmation

We went yesterday to get a sonogram. The doctor wanted to compare this with the MRI from earlier in the week. As they performed the sonogram, they could easily see the mass on the right side, and said it looked like a normal--and more-importantly--benign fibroadenoma, a normally recurring type of tissue found in breasts of women the same age as LadyBug.

  

They still wanted to be safe, so recommended taking a core biopsy (or, more accurately, FOUR biopsies). These were couriered over to the pathologist so he can try to have a report on it before the surgery Monday. We then had to get a chest x-ray. This is in preparation for the surgery, which will take place Monday, sometime after noon.

    

Basically, unless the information we have changes, or LadyBug's mind does, the surgery will excise the left breast, while leaving the right. The best possible conclusion will be that this removes all the cancer and LadyBug will not need radiation or chemo. 

   

Your prayers and faith have been greatly appreciated. We are praying for a quick recovery and a quiet Thanksgiving.

Checking the Right

Today we went north again. We needed to get an MRI to see if there was anything in LadyBug's right breast that could cause concern. We also had an appointment with the plastic surgeon to see options for reconstruction. We ended the day with both good news and bad news.

   

First the bad. LadyBug's MRI showed a mass in her right breast. Dr. Wonderfulsurgeon said we should not panic, because it appears to just be fibrous tissue, but then that's how the left side started too. Regardless, it means we must go north AGAIN on Friday to get a sonogram, so they can compare images to decide what exactly is going on. It basically means that we still don't know whether this will be a double-mastectomy or single. It also doesn't help us know whether or not LadyBug will need radiation and chemo. So all we know is that we need to get more tests, and the operation is still Monday.

  

The good news is that whether LadyBug needs radiation or not, the reconstruction process will begin Monday while LadyBug is STILL ON THE TABLE. We saw several pictures today showing what the reconstruction process is like, including a coffee table book showing one woman's journey from mastectomy to recovery. Not for the squeamish, and not what you want to show to your kids friends, but very informative and encouraging. If LadyBug only needs one side removed,  they can not only rebuild that side, but build up the other so they match (including a breast lift on the right side). If she must have the double, then both sides will be rebuilt at the same time, and she can choose what size she wants when she gets there. I won't go into the gory details of everything reconstruction involves, but we will keep positive and keep posting through the process.

 

The prayers of all our loved ones have definitely helped us, and the strength we receive from the Lord keeps us going. We don't know how we will reach the end of all this, but we know that with His aid, we will reach it. This experience has brought us closer, built our faith, made us grateful for our blessings, and made LadyBug realize how many people care for her.

  

I don't know if we can say yet that we are thankful for this experience, but we can definitely say we are grateful for things that have come to us as a result of it. Thank you all.

Insurance Companies are Evil

If you are planning to get health insurance, check first to see if your company covers the costs of the test for the cancer gene. Ours, Educator's Mutual, does not. Further more, the people who do the test told us it takes 10-14 days to receive results. That would be okay, if they had told us with more than 7 days until our surgery. Which means that even if we could afford the $3,300.00 cost of the test, we would not have results back in time to do any good. So double check those sorts of things before you throw good money to bad companies. Healthcare reform, my eye!

To Contribute

Anyone wishing to help with deferring the medical costs of our Cancer Battle may do so by sending funds via PayPal to: choralresponses@hotmail.com

News From the Front

So LadyBug and I headed north today to see her surgeon. This was a much anticipated visit after the news we received on Friday. If you ever want to spend a tense weekend, find out on Friday you have entered the realms of cancer, then wait until Tuesday to find out more.

   

After a bit of a wait, the Doctor Wonderfulsurgeon entered the room. She, much as she always does, got right to business. She laid out both options that were available to us, with accompanying benefits and consequences. One was a lumpectomy, the other a full mastectomy. To cut the matter short, LadyBug decided to opt for the total package. She doesn't want to have to worry (and lose even more sleep) and wonder whether or not the cancer will come back.

   

One of the things she did was recommend a screen for the Cancer Gene. If the results come back positive, she will strongly advise a double-mastectomy. If the results are negative for that gene, only the left breast will be taken. The doctor then explained that as she is in surgery, they will look at her lymph nodes, and the pathologist will be able to tell before the end of the operation whether or not the cancer has spread. 

   

If the cancer has spread to the lymph system, LadyBug will need to begin radiation therapy as soon as she is recovered from the surgery, to be accompanied by chemotherapy. If she were to do just a lumpectomy, the radiation and chemo would have been mandated. Since radiation therapy would mean a 200 mile round trip five days a week, please pray that it will not be necessary. If the lymph system is cancer-free, the surgery will most likely end the ordeal, with possibly some chemo added for good measure.

 

While LadyBug is still on the table, the reconstructive specialist will come in to see what he can do about building a new breast. He will insert a tissue extender, which can be inflated with saline gradually over time. Eventually, when the surrounding tissue has reached the point where it is ready, he will remove the extender and insert the augmentation implant. LadyBug's younger sister suggested going BIG! Her brother-in-law (married to another sister) advised DOUBLE-D's.

   

LadyBug doesn't want anything much bigger than what she has now, but if they only have to take the left breast, she will get a new one to match it's size and shape. The surgeon can eventually reconstruct (ahem) all physical attributes of a healthy breast, with the exceptions of inner material and feeling. I suggested that once she is done, she needs the shirt that says, "Of course they're fake! My real ones tried to kill me!"

    

LadyBug first has to have an MRI, and consultation with the plastic-surgeon, both of which take place next Wednesday. The full surgery will take place on the Monday before Thanksgiving. She will spend one night in the hospital, with a possible second-night stay. LadyBug's bro-in-law, Pillsbury Doughboy, has volunteered to check in on her the second day, since I will have classes to teach. If she can be checked out that day, he has volunteered to drive her home. If not, he will call me and let me know. Then she can be brought home the next day (the day before Thanksgiving).

    

We don't know how long recovery time is. We do know without my college classes, we wouldn't stand a chance of making it without LadyBug working. We also know we have the faith and prayers of many loved ones. My students had a text forwarded around town about five times telling everyone to fast and pray for her this last Sunday. It's in the Lord's hands now, and I feel very strongly that he is guiding the surgeon's hands. What His will is in this matter, we cannot say, but we know He will watch over us and guide us. Our thanks to those whose prayers have benefited us so much already. And if you haven't seen your doctor in a while, go soon. Don't wait. And may God bless each one of you.

We Have Joined the Cancer Community

I will not post very much here. I just want to keep one more place where everyone can be kept up on what is going on. In June, LadyBug went in for her first Mammogram. She was 43, and felt she had put it off too long already. The results showed several masses, which appeared to be just fibrous material that is common and benign. 

  

She was referred to a WONDERFUL doctor up north who did more exams and determined the same thing. She told her that she had several options: 1) Wait and see what happened over the course of the next six months; 2) Biopsy the lumps and decide later; or 3) Remove the lumps and be done with it.

  

LadyBug chose option number 3, and went in for surgery in August. All three lumps were removed, and biopsied. The results came back as expected--they were non-cancerous fibrous tissue. We were relieved, but not too surprised. After all, this is what we had been told to expect.

   

Six weeks later, LadyBug began experiencing pain in her left breast, a few inches away from any incision. We called our doctor, who put her on antibiotics, thinking it was an abscess. After a week or so, we called the surgeon's office. She was out of town, but one of her associates agreed to see us. After several types of exams, we were told it was most likely a hematoma or an abscess. This doctor really didn't seem to interested in anything other than getting us out of the office. He gave her stronger antibiotics, and was asked to contact him if there were no improvements. There weren't. 

   

When we went back, Dr. Doesntgiveacrap saw us again and said, "Oh, it looks smaller! Good! That means the antibiotics are working!" He told her that all her other symptoms were basically figments of her imagination. So we went home, feeling like we had completely wasted a long trip, plus copay.  

  

A few days later, Dr. Wonderfulsurgeon came back into town, saw that her disinterested associate had seen us and called to get LadyBug in for a visit. She wanted to see for herself what was going on. She did an ultra-sound exam, and saw the mass, which she assumed was either infection, or a hematoma. She suggested we should return in a couple of days for another surgical procedure. We agreed.

  

After a three-hour wait in Pre-Op, and a thirty minute surgery, the dr. came to speak with me. She did not find a huge amount of infection OR a hematoma, but instead, found a small amount of infection surrounded by what she called "angry tissue." She cleaned out the infection and scooped out some of that "angry tissue," which was biopsied.

  

Friday morning, Dr. Wonderfulsurgeon called at 10:30 to speak with LadyBug. She had just gotten the results back from the biopsy. "Angry Tissue" turned out to be cancerous. She set an appointment for Tuesday. We don't know what to expect, but have been on the receiving end of Relief Society dinners, well-wishes, and Fasting and Prayer by many of my students and friends. Things like this really let you know what is going on! And let's you know what really matters. We will know more Tuesday, but I have appointments every day this week because of this, so I don't know how soon I will get onto this blog. I will try to keep my family informed as soon as we know anything (although I don't think I have cell numbers for everyone yet...).

   

For now, just keep her in your prayers. It is in the hands of the Lord, and our Wonderful Surgeon, and between you and me, that's the best place she could be in this situation!

Our Little Elves

Those of you who know my wife and I know that I am rarely, if ever, home, and she has been in poor health for several years now. Three of our four kids have "moved out" of the house. The problem though, was that before moving, they did as little as possible to help with the upkeep in chores, and as much as seems possible to add to the piles of messiness everywhere in our house.

   

I am not afraid of work, and the missus is a very conscientious housekeeper, but with her health affecting her the way it did, and with me being gone for hours and hours every day, the mess got to be a HUGE monster staring us in the face! We have even watched episodes of "Clean House" with varying degrees of guilt, but with such a seemingly insurmountable task, just kept getting further and further behind. The result was an embarrassing situation and never wanting anyone to visit our home.

Well, her boss, seeing how clean she keeps her desk in the office, and hearing how much she complained about not being able to get caught up at home, decided to step in. He brought about a half-dozen co-workers over to our house between yesterday and today, and they boxed up, bagged up, cleaned up, carted off or threw away tons of trash, clothes, books, toys, shoes, and whatever else they could find. The result is an amazingly clean house. One of our bedrooms has become a storage room, but everything else is nice and neat! Here are some pics:

  

  
 I have never felt quite so grateful and humble all at the same time before. It is a terrifying process to see people pick through your nick-knacks and little treasures and decide you don't need them, tossing them out. I must say, though, that it is a testament to the impact my wife has on the people who work with her that they would be willing to do this for her. There a re just times, I guess when the dragon is too big for one lone adventurer to tackle. Thank you to all our little elves who magically transformed our place back into a semblance of the home we bought. We have a long way to go before it could be ready to sell, but what a relief to not ignore the elephant in the room anymore!

All-State 2010

We had our All-State Choir Concert recently. We had a great guest conductor from a state to our north, and around 700 students, all singing in an amazing hall. What a great weekend! I only have one picture to share right now, but more may come later, possibly on FB. 

  

Schools that spend at least 20 percent of their curricular day studying the arts, especially choral music, are more likely to have educational achievement. Please speak to you administrators and school boards, legislators, and congressional representatives to keep music alive in our schools!

The Hot Air Ballon Fiesta Trip

We went last week to visit my sister at the balloon rally held in her little town. Here are some pics from that trip, as requested by Inklings.

 Two crazy Sisters...

 At a restaurant...

 Mass Ascension...

 Balloon Fiesta Arts Show...

 Fried Twinkies?!

 The drive home...