There's No Place Like....

Home. We are home. All of us that should be home are finally here.

  

LadyBug was released from the hospital just after lunch today, and we went to her sister's place for dinner and a visit. Then we took Kissa home and we are now back. All of us. She still has more office visits. She still has more surgeries. She still has chemo and radiation. But she is home. She is in less pain than before. Bearable with medication.

   

Thank you all for your faith and prayers. May the Lord bless each of you at least as much as He is blessing us!

...Jiggity Jig

I just returned from visiting LadyBug. She SHOULD be released tomorrow. They finally cleared all the clot out of her leg, and by now should have removed the sheath that was stuck in the back of her leg to protect it. She is feeling so much better with the clot gone! And once they remove the sheath (and spend the half-hour keeping pressure on her leg), she should be able to take a shower for the first time in several weeks! She has bathed, and has had sponge baths. She has had her hair washed even, but she has not been able to shower.

   

Then she should be able to move around on her own for the first time in a week, one of the first qualifications for coming home. We will go up tomorrow and check her out, then we will go to Snowman's house for dinner. Both our daughters, Kissa and ZeldaPrincess will drive up with me. We will pick up StarGazer on the way. SkiTl we won't see until Christmas, and then we'll have everyone home (and hopefully happy) for at least a couple of days!

   

I do want to thank those who have generously donated to our need. Some checks we haven't been able to cash yet, and one anonymous donor here in town even left cash. It is all greatly appreciated. Our greatest thanks, though, go to the Lord who has blessed us so greatly in this time of trial. With His help, we can overcome any obstacle, clear any trial. It has been a truly humbling experience. His hand is in all things.

Take care....

...And Again

One day before LadyBug was supposed to be released from the hospital, her leg started swelling up and turned red. She was in extreme pain, so the doctors had another scan. They believe the clot formed in her ankle and migrated upward. It is now to her thigh area, and is around 18 inches long, with a thickness close to that of your little finger.

  
They have taken her into surgery again, to drill a hole the length of the clot. They believe the blood flow, combined with medication they will administer will break the clot up completely. This surgeon has had good results with this process before, so is hopeful, even though LadyBug was not responding as they had hoped to the blood thinners before.

   

So now, LadyBug will be in the hospital at least another 24 hours. I will hopefully be going up to get her on Saturday. Although, this may not happen, since we don't know how she will respond to the surgery and medications. The surgeon is confident the clot will be gone before she leaves the hospital. Of course, if they keep her longer, his chances obviously improve, so I really have no clue how soon she will be released.

   

All of this would be easier if the hospital wasn't over 100 miles away! We simply don't have the gas money for me to go up, since LadyBug isn't working. And I hate the idea of her being up there without me. Her sister, brother-in-law, and our son StarGazer have been visiting her, but I miss her terribly, as she does me, and I hate the fact that all these things are happening while I am almost two hours away trying to keep things together.

   

People here keep asking what they can do for us. I have to answer that I have no clue what they can do for us. I can't eat most of the things anyone would bring. LadyBug isn't here to eat food, smell flowers, read cards, or whatever. She is stuck in a hospital and I am stuck in Limbo.

   

You want to know what you can do? Call Mr. Hospitalsman, the guy who has built most of the medical facilities in the northern part of the state, and convince him to put a radiation clinic in our cancer clinic so patients don't have to drive so far every flipping day. Put a major hospital a little closer to the sticks so those of us who live in the middle of nowhere can see surgeons without emptying our bank accounts for gas. And contribute to cancer research. Let's find a way to cure this, and prevent it!

   

In the mean time, I will try to find a way to make tasteless food appealing and try to keep paying the bills until the woman I love is back home.

Quick Update

LadyBug will be released from the hospital on Friday. Then, for the next six months she gets the pleasure of injecting blood thinners into her belly twice a day! We have been told that if we go through what is called an "Infusion Pharmacy," we will have NO out-of-pocket expenses. If we don't (or can't), the medicines are $900 per month! No I don't know much about making medicines, but even at a 100% mark-up, I can't imagine ANYONE ever SPENT $450 to make one month's worth of medicine. Just my opinion. If it cost them that much, they got ripped off, because I think charging that much for vital medication is HIGHWAY ROBBERY!

    

Now I don't want her to rush into anything, but I hope that things work out relatively quickly from here, because we are hurting without LadyBug's salary. She has been out of work for three weeks now (we were told two), and we have received some unexpected checks that actually make up what was lacking in her last check. I should be getting one more check this month that is only slightly unexpected that will cover some of her next check. But we definitely need her to be ABLE to go to work soon.

   

On a personal note, I had been adjusting what sorts of food I eat. I am choosing low fat, low carb foods. I have enjoyed a salmon fillet, apples, soup, and tuna. The problem is...I'm STARVING! I honestly think I could win an eating competition right now! SO FAR, I haven't been too terribly bored with these foods, but they leave me wishing for about 60 oz. of STEAK! With mashed potatoes. And dessert. I have tried to make do with fruits, etc. to wind up meals. Apples are good for my condition, and I love bananas too, and have been munching on small pieces of fresh coconut to give me a sense of dessert. I still wondered how long we'd have to BBQ our dog before dinner could be ready.... Naw, not enough meat....

   

I will keep posting on LadyBug's progress, and whether or not I eat the sheep in our neighbor's yard...

  

Take Care!

...And Back Again

LadyBug had a follow-up appointment with her surgeon today. Once of the ladies in town took her up, since I had a full day of school plus my last day of private lessons for the semester.

   

Dr. Wonderfulsurgeon saw her, and (YAY!) took out her drains! She finally will no be tied to those things (as it were). We won't have to empty them every day.

  

LadyBug was having too much pain in  her leg, though. The blood clot was so painful she couldn't sleep at night. So the doctor sent her in for a sonogram. They found that the blood clot was MOVING UP HER LEG! They immediately checked her into the hospital and took her to surgery. They have implanted a filter which will be in her leg for the rest of her life. But without the huge threat of a massive Pulmonary Embolism, that will be longer.

   

LadyBug will be in the hospital for another three days. They will see if they can make the anti-coagulants work this time.

  

On a different note, I've been dealing with nausea for several weeks now. I had blood work and a sonogram this week, and found out two BIG things. First, my Triglycerides are through the roof! Second, I have sludge in my Gall Bladder. I am not even going to consider gall bladder surgery at this time. I will wait until LadyBug is back fully on her feet. I can't take care of her if I am on my back in a hospital also.

So, I am trying to adjust my diet for both cholesterol and gall bladder friendly foods. I will NOT do a  no-carb diet. First, some carbs are good for you. Second, no-carb diets are WORSE THAN DEATH! I'd rather die young and enjoy variety and flavor than live long on that sort of food! I will also look into herbal supplements or medicines that are shown to reduce sludge and help cholesterol.

  

And in case you talk to mom, they said NOTHING about my blood SUGAR level!

  

We will hope for the best, but once again, I just want LadyBug home....

Home Again, Home Again

LadyBug is home once more. Now, along with everything else she is dealing with, she must not only take blood thinners, but she must go to the hospital every other day or so to get blood tests, to ensure that the thinners are working properly! So not only does she have chemo and radiation to look forward to, but in the mean time, she gets poked with a needle several times a week.

 

She is also now having to manage her pain (which thankfully is less than before) with Tylenol instead of Percocet, since the latter was causing other issues. She still has her drains, she still is tired and sore, and she sees her surgeon on Tuesday. Then some time before January, she will most likely need a port inserted for the chemo treatments.

    

Our thanks to all who have sent wishes, comforting items, cards, money, and prayers. You make the battle a little lighter!

It Never Rains But....

LadyBug is currently sitting in the E.R. of a hospital up north. She went in for a visit with Dr. Plastics today. He said everything around the surgical sight looks great, and she is healing up nicely. He was concerned, however about the trouble she was having breathing, so told her to get a chest X-ray at the hospital.

    

The x-ray showed fluid in both lungs, plus a blood clot in the left lung. They are waiting for a room to be ready, or something right now, and our son StarGazer drove over to be with her. They said they will probably keep her a couple of days, but we don't know for sure exactly how long. They have her on oxygen, and I think, antibiotics, and will start her on anti-coagulants as soon as they can.

   

We don't know much at this point, but your continued faith and prayers are appreciated. I am quite worried right now, because my accompanist told me her husband's first wife died suddenly from a blood clot in her lung. We'll be walking a tight line until we can get LadyBug home again.

A Little Pampering Goes A Long Way

Today, LadyBug called down to one of our neighbors who has an in-home salon, to see if she could wash her hair for her. The lady not only agreed to do this, but offered her services pro-bono, so we took her down there. Our van had not started for two days, so we jumped it with my truck, drove down and helped LadyBug into the salon. The lady washed it, dried it, and even started styling it for her, though that was not needed, since she doesn't know how LadyBug styles her hair. but it was a kind, generous service, and was a nice way for LadyBug to get out, get some pampering, and get a small amount of exercise all at the same time. 

  

I am not necessarily surprised, but definitely pleased about how many people are stepping in to help LadyBug. We still have a long way to go, but with all this help the Lord is sending us, we won't go through it alone!

LadyBug Fly Away Home

Tuesday, LadyBug was released from the hospital. She spent the night with her little sister and her husband, SnowMan. The next day, they brought her home to stay! They then went home, but came down again for Thanksgiving (more food than humanly possible to eat in a week!

   

For the first day, we had to check LadyBug's drains every four hours. Now we are up to 8 hours. This is a quite unpleasant task that I gladly perform, because it means I have a tangible way to help her! Kissa and SoccerGirl have helped a few times, and StarGazer has at least been trained, though he hasn't needed to help. Soon, we will need to remove the pain-med pump, and be done with that. Once the drain levels are low enough, we can go to Dr. Plastics and he'll remove the drains.

 

People keep asking what they can do to help. We respond that this is the first time we've ever gone through this, so we don't know what we'll need. One thing that will help is those who have volunteered to take LadyBug up north when she needs to go. I am more than half-way done with taking my possible leave days, so too many more, and the district will start docking my pay. We REALLY can't afford for that to happen.

  

We actually have more food right now than we know what to do with, so we are okay there. Which is good, since all our spare cash already went for gas to get north, and dinners while we were there. I get paid again in a few days, and LadyBug should get at least a small check next week. If we have too many trips, those will be gone fast. Thankfully, I have my classes at the College to help.

  

LadyBug is doing fairly well, considering. She takes Percoset for pain, plus another pill that makes her drowsy. She has spent 48 hours on the couch, only getting up to relieve herself or change. She can't shower for a while, but we have caps that you put over your hair to wash without water. Weird, but cool. She hurts, but it isn't unbearable, and she is staying focused. The rest of us are trying to stay as strong and positive as she needs us to be. The one thing that keeps us going is knowing that with the Lord's help we can get through anything. Thank you to all who have shown and offered your support!

The Hardest Thing I've Done

I try to stay strong. I try to stay positive. But this week nearly broke me, as I did one of the hardest things I've ever done.

   

It started on Monday when LadyBug went in for surgery. She was on the table for over six hours, which is quite a bit longer than the doctors told us would happen, worrying us (our youngest daughter was waiting with me). First we had to go in for an X-ray. LadyBug had to fast, so I took our daughter to the cafeteria for breakfast. After, we had a couple of hours to get a haircut and find out that Wally World pharmacy wanted to charge us over THREE TIMES what should have been our cost for one of our medications.

   

We got back in time for LadyBug to get injected with radioactive dye (I asked if she would now turn green when she gets angry...you wouldn't like her when she's angry). After this we went to the prep room. About 1:00 pm they took her to the O.R. where Doctor Wonderfulsurgeon scrubbed up within minutes. Three hours later, she came to talk to us while Dr. Plastics started reconstruction. She told us that the operation went as well as could be expected--better in some aspects.

  

She told us, however that the lymph nodes tested positive for cancer. This means that LadyBug will have some recuperation time from this surgery, then around the start of the year, she will start Chemo-therapy. Those can be done right here in our town! Depending on what the Oncologist recommends, this will entail bi-weekly visits for either 6 or 8 treatments. Immediately following completion, she will start radiation, which will go five days a week for four weeks or so, and must be done up north.

   

We still have a lot to learn about which combination of chemicals will be used, what stage the cancer was in, etc., but we are focusing on getting better. 

   

My daughter and I, in the mean time, had both lunch and dinner, before LadyBug was brought to the room. She was quite groggy from the anesthesia, and was still in quite a bit of pain. Our daughter has never seen her mom in this sort if setting, so really had a hard time with it, but we stayed as positive as possible for her and LadyBug.

   

And then, after several mg's of morphine, I did one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I left her in the hospital and went home. I've missed so many days of school already, and expect to miss more, so I couldn't afford to stay, though it tore me up to leave. With her missing at least two weeks of work right now, and with more dr. visits coming up, we need every dollar my paycheck brings. Logic explains it, but didn't make me feel like less of a cad. It was so late when we left as it was that I had to have my daughter drive part of the way home.

  

That was yesterday. Today, LadyBug was released. She will spend a day or so with her sisters family, who will bring her home for Thanksgiving. That means she won't have to be in the hospital, but we still don't get to see her yet. I know we still have a ways to go, but we can see the end now. By summer, LadyBug will be done with all her treatments. And because of Dr. Plastics, she will come home with almost the same cup size she started out with! And within weeks, she can decide just how much more she would like to have. She doesn't want to go very big, and it doesn't really matter to me (no, really!). I keep telling her she should at least go up one cup size, just because she's always complained about being too small....

 

I wish we knew more. People keep asking how they can help. I just have to answer that we've never done this before, so don't know what we need. Cooking and cleaning can be handled. We will need some help getting her to some of these appointments, and several friends have already volunteered. We know before this is done, we'll end up owing twice as much to the medical treatments as we originally thought. We've met our deductible this year, but treatments start in the new year. So we'll get our deductible met for next year before January is up, I am sure!

   

The one thing we know has helped us is all the fasting, faith, and prayers on our behalf. I've always believed that the Lord answers prayers. I've also always believed that he doesn't always answer them in the way we expect or necessarily want. Sometimes, what we think we need is not what is best for us in the long run. This experience has already changed us, and continues to do so. And in the long run, perhaps we will eventually become the people the Lord wants us to be.

   

I just finished reading Stone Tables, by Orson Scott Card, which is a fictionalized retelling of the story of Moses. The main theme of this book was that Moses, Aaron, Miriam, and Joshua expected their lives to go one way. They prayed for their lives to go another way, but the Lord had other plans. Moses in particular had to lose everything in order to be in the situation where he could be the Lord's prophet. He certainly didn't think it was a good thing at the time, but realized later that it was necessary.

  

We may not be enjoying our circumstances right now, and we may not yet be entirely grateful for our hardships, but we recognize the Lord's hand in all things, and are seeking to understand His will. One thing for sure, we have come to realize not only how much our friends and family love us, but how much we love them. Without our loved ones, we would be left bereft of much of what gives us hope. May the Lord bless all of you who have supported us and continue to do so. Thank you!